How I overcome my fear and updated this website

I was a web designer in the past. As a former web designer, I designed many websites for clients. However, creating a website for myself was a challenge as I am my harshest critic.

I became jaded with the world of web design (which evolved to the field of UI/UX), I took a leap five years ago to pursue a Master in Arts (Visual Arts), which is essentially Art History. Before undertaking the masters, I enjoyed looking at the artworks and their descriptions. The combination of methods, narratives, and symbols in artworks fascinated me. To fuel my curiosity about the artworks, I take photos of artworks and wrote my observations and questions in my own personal blog. These factors contribute to my decision in pursuing art history as a postgraduate degree.

However, I regretted pursuing this master’s degree although I have graduated. While I gain understanding and skills through my research, but it killed my interest in writing and art. I stopped writing as I felt that my writings are not good enough, but writing helps me process my thoughts which I find hard to express verbally. Furthermore, most people commented that I express better in writing than expressing in real life.

In the past, I connected my Behance portfolio to my domain because I was busy with my masters. I did not have time to maintain my website. However, Behance portfolios are good for artists and designers, but not for writers. I tried Medium, a publishing platform, but it was limited to writers. After researching and reflecting, I discovered I am a multidisciplinary person. While I see the benefits of Behance and Medium, but I dislike being placed in the box. Hence, I purchased a WordPress theme to fit my needs as a multidisciplinary person. Although I have a personal site now, I still maintain my Behance and Medium as it has different reach to different audiences.

I had my fears about creating this website. Firstly, I fear that I am not good enough. Many people have given feedback about my designs and writings, but some comments are very judgemental. I doubted myself though many people who are not as experienced have been churning out more content. Secondly, I fear that no one likes my work. I had to remind myself that people have their preferences, and it is alright if people dislike my work (or myself). While these fears are real, I realised that I should just take the first step and do not be a perfectionist. Some of these fears stem from personal trauma, and I will just work through it while having this website live. After all, the first few works are not great, and it is through repetition and practice that the works will get better.

At this point, I am still fixing the descriptions in my portfolio. It is still a work in progress, and I hope that I will fine-tune the processes as time passes by.